Can you imagine Grumpy Granny in a Topshop frock or Kurt Geiger shoes? Us neither, but this week Grumpy Granny totters off to London's largest shopping centre and checks out the highs and lows of Westfield…
As any of my friends would tell you during a shared bitch over a cup of Skinny Latté, I am not exactly a clothes horse.
I am told that Kate Moss can wear a sack and look attractive. I can wear Stella McCartney and still look like a charity shop mannequin.
However, we girls have got to try everything. Where is the best place to find everything? Surely Westfield Shopping Centre at Shepherd's Bush in London, the perfect place to spend my monthly income!
I have to say when I first heard the location of this retail dream factory, I shook my head in disbelief.
Shepherd's Bush had previously got a reputation to rival Railton Road in its heyday - how could the best shops be attracted there, I wondered?
The answer is by spending hundreds of millions of pounds on a wonderful building; and by creating first class transport links that really do make the car obsolete.
It took me at least two hours to stroll around the whole of Westfield during my first visit. Girls, if you can't find something to spend your cash on at Westfield, you aren't a real shopaholic!
And when your tootsies get tired of pounding the gorgeous stores, you can stop for a quick massage to ease away the pains of the day, or maybe just linger in one of the many eateries that bring culinary delights from every corner of our planet.
From The King's Speech at the cinema to the Tesco Dragon (there is also even a Waitrose) - and what with all those shops, scores of restaurants, plus the multi-screen movie heavens - Westfield really is RETAIL PARADISE ON EARTH!
Spare a thought though for 'elsewhere'. That's all the retail locations in the West London shopping catchment that are NOT Westfield. They were struggling a bit even before this new Nirvana appeared. Now there must be more than a few doors about to close permanently.
Every silver lining has a cloud. Dead local shopping streets are not good to look at or fun to live near.
Come to think of it, maybe I will only visit Westfield on high days and holidays and spend my money in my local area, which is probably more cash-friendly than Westfield anyway. I want my local shops to be around for at least as long as I am…